He could tap his foot (or hoof) when he's idle, or daydreams often, or like one of my favorite characters from the book Cracker!, does eye exercises because it's supposingly 'good for him'. Something else you can add are quirks that make your character memorable. Perhaps his parents are getting a divorce, or his brother died in a car accident. For example, perhaps the reason why the speaker is so eager to play his game because he is trying to escape the problems and stress he has in the real world.

They could also use a backstory that motivates their desires. They don't have too many character traits, and judging from the first chapter, are exact replicas of each other. Lack of character The main character, as well as his friend could use some expanding upon. If you have any questions about 'em, just reply or send me a OM, and I'll be glad to clarify.ДЎ. I did notice a couple things that could've be fixed up/improved upon. Although the idea isn't exactly 'orginal' (Yu-Gi-Oh, countless other animes, Tron), it's still an amusing one. BUT, its your story so do what you will.Д«ut all in all it seems good so far, and I look forward to reading more. I'd say throw in some Romantic interests, because I like a little Romance in the stories I read. Dont make your character over powered during this story. Use them as minor players that you either kill off during boss fights and quests, or Supportive roles for your character. And I think that this story could use that to its benefit. I've seen fics that use the Communities OCs. They're not beta testers, or know the game at all. I dont think Hasbro would call a game called 'Brony Game Online' I personally would of called it 'MLP Online' 'Equestria MMO (EMMO) Or something. As for the story so far, I didnt see any grammar errors that I can think of. Why didnt I think of this?' So I'm glad you did. The Anime was great and was surprised when I read the description to this. Seems really promising and I'm liking it so far. Thanks to Raybony for making the cover art for this story.

At least read the first chapter before outright disliking it. This idea was given to me from the Japanese Anime, 'Sword Art Online.' Please, no hate comments or dislikes for this fact. If they die in the game, they will die in the real world. But there is one drawback: If a player dies in the game, then the Nervegear will fry their brains in the real world, killing them on the spot. The bronies in the game must find and acquire the Elements of Harmony, which Discord has hidden throughout all of Equestria. Whether it was in the game design or not, this being of chaos has gained control over the virtual Equestria, trapping every brony wearing Nervegear inside the game. things become screwy when Discord appears. After several months of waiting, the game is released, as a way for the players to actually travel to Equestria as ponies themselves.Д«ut. But thousands of bronies are raging about a new pony game made for the Nervegear. It's the year 2020, and millions of people are raving about the new game console known as Nervegear, which will literally take a player's mind into the game. You can find them in The Equestria Legends Online Fan Group, located here. Congratulations, Equestria Legends Online is now side-story compatible: These other authors would love your support in their own adventures in this virtual world.

Legends of equestria pony creator